So I have to tell you something...

We're going to deviate, briefly, from specific men to a post that highlights my least favorite phrase in the English dating world.

So I have to tell you something.

I'm not sure that I can really explain exactly how nausea-inducing that phrase has become.  I've asked around to some of my female friends, and let me tell you, it is always followed by a doozy.  Let's discuss.

Scenario 1:
Him:  So I have to tell you something.

Me: o.O

Him (paraphrased): I've been skipping work for the last 6 months, and lying about what I've actually been doing with my time.

Me: O.o

Scenario 2: 
Him: So I have to tell you something.

Me: o.O

Him (paraphrased): My ex wife and child are living with me in a one-bedroom apartment.

Me: O.o

See what I mean?

Shall we explore some of the other excellent statements that come after "So I have to tell you something"?  Of course we should!

In no particular order.... (and not all of them are mine)

Him: I live with my Mom, brothers and 8 year old daughter.

Him: I may have been recently exposed to herpes.

Him: I haven't done this.  (Yes, that's in reference to what you think it's in reference to).

Him: I lied.  I don't really have a job.

Him: I want to have a relationship with you, but I want to see other people at the same time.

Him: I promise I own my own place, but I live with my Mom to help her out.  (Of course you do).

Him: I won't be able to see you for a while.  There's a bench warrant out for my arrest.

Him: I'm going to marry my other girlfriend.

Him: When I get too relaxed, I have a cardiac arrhythmia.

Him: I've joined the cheerleading squad.

All of this is classically met with:
Me: o.O

So, dear readers, what else do you have?  I need to commiserate some more with people who have experienced this too!  Comment with your best follow-ups to "So I have to tell you something"!