Oh the guy who's not from around here...

I have minimal excuses for my hiatus, given that my fellow co-blogger-now-Alaskan-resident partner-in-crime has so many posts!

So this tale comes to you from the end of August actually.  I've been trying to figure out how to phrase it.

I meet guy on the now-infamous interwebs, some chatting happens, some emailing happens and lo and behold, we decide to meet.  I know, you're thinking that this sounds awfully familiar.
Prior to meeting I discover that guy moved from the Ukraine "a while ago" and works in computer science-y stuff of some kind.

He says "why don't we meet at Starbucks, get a coffee, and walk around the Boston Common?"
For late August, this sounds like a great date!  It's outside...everyone knows I love coffee...a good walk always sounds good.  He picks the Starbucks and the time, since he's driving in from out of the city.

Cut to me, sitting in a Starbucks, alone, 15 minutes after date time.
He texts that he's 5 minute away, got backed up in traffic.
10 minutes later...nothing.  Finally I text him and discover that he is at the wrong place.

Yes, I'm sure you backed up to read that again and remembered that he in fact PICKED THE PLACE.
So we meet.  No, of course he doesn't look like his photos.  Cue awkward hug.
Then he says (insert whatever opening phrase you want) and I realize...his accent is so thick I can barely understand him!

We buy coffee, skip to walking around the Common.  Ironic place for a date, as it becomes apparent that we have NOTHING in common (ba dum bump).
We have been texting back and forth for a week ahead of time, but now for the life of me I can't figure out what we even talked about.  I try to ask about where he's traveled...all he brings up is going back and forth to New York to visit his ex.  We talk about said ex and trips to New York approximately 8 more times over the course of the night.  I try to ask what he does in his free time.  Turns out, I should introduce him to guy with the gun.  He's a gun instructor and has MULTIPLE (as in more than 1) gun safes in his home.  Say what?

Then, as in slow motion, he tries to grab my hand.  I deftly move my purse and rearrange my coffee to not have to hold his hand.  But wait...he tried again.  And again.  I end up having to cross my arms for him to get the hint.  I'm so skeeved out at this point I can't even look him in the eye.

Attempting to make conversation, I ask if he is still a citizen of Ukraine and if he gets back home often.  He decides to respond with "don't worry, I'm not trying to marry you for a green card.  I'm a citizen of the US."

UGH.

Really, how do I meet these people?  Thank goodness I feigned having to get home, and I haven't heard from him since.

We shall saddle up and go forward...I have a few more in the works with hopefully good stories for all :)